Hurdles or not!

I recently had a very intriguing conversation with a couple of friends. We were discussing the different ‘cultural norms’ we face as African women. I, as an Kenyan woman raised in Kenya and her as a black American- Kenyan lady. The discussion was specifically how hard it is to move out of your parents house before you are married. This seems to be a problem only the girls face, boys are expected to move out as soon as they are financially stable, (which seems a little strange to me).

The first time I tried to move out of home was not successful. My grandmother stepped in to convince me to stay, wait a little while (or just never leave). Then I started house hunting months later and as soon as she got wind of it (it accidentally slipped) the conversation was had again.

They say third time is the charm right?

The next time I was smarter about it… I found a house, paid for it and then told them when it was all done. I gave a week and a half notice and was out before the end of the month. That was one hard secret to keep and I was glad I did it then.

My friend who was born and raised in the states, is experiencing the same questions as she considers moving out of the family home. ‘Why do you need to move?’ ‘Why can’t you wait until you get married’ ‘What’s the hurry?’ For context , her mother is Kenyan and father black American so neither of us expected their reaction to the idea of her moving. She has been raised in a more liberal environment than she would have if she was raised in Kenya and people seem to move out younger and younger.

smart

My question is, why is it so hard for girls in the African culture to move out of their parent’s home before they ‘get married’?

I ask this question from a daughter’s perspective, because of the hurdles we had to jump through in order to gain that independence.

For the girls looking to move or have just moved out, what was the hardest thing you faced while trying to move out for the first time?

Did you successfully move the first time you said you would?

Lastly, what hurdles did you face when you decided to move out of the parent’s home, have the hurdles always been the same? This one is for the parents… What did you do differently for your girls/ what will you do differently (for those with younger girls)?

Every new level in life will demand a different you.